6. Breaking Through
By Susan Ellis of Key Life Journeys
The day after the retreat ended it was the summer solstice. I was awakened at dawn by the sound of a drum beating a rhythmical, monotonous invitation. The drummer was Carla, a Shaman from Nova Scotia who had arrived to conduct a weekend workshop to restore the medicine wheel at Quantum Leaps Lodge. I longed to stay and take part, but I had weekend commitments in Toronto. I spent my morning filming wildflowers. This was when I felt comfortable to ponder the events of the board breaking (or not) ritual.
After being unable to break my board on the Monday evening on the banks of the Blaeberry River, I re-assessed the apparent failure. The events are described in the blog entry “4. Facing fear with board breaking and fire walking.” I knew I was capable of accomplishing the task as I had done so several years before. I re-lived Monday’s experience. I had imagined my hand slicing through the wood and coming to rest below the shattering board. Yet each time I put it in action I experienced something - can I call it resistance? I certainly was more aware of it by the third attempt. That and the bruising!! Was the resistance coming from me, or from outside of me? Was it coming from the conscious me or the unconscious me? All I know for sure is that I could not break the board.
Symbolically what might this mean? The splitting of the wood was to break free of what was written on the board and then we were to throw the broken pieces into the fire. But my doodling on the board, created in the Rumi Room, represented parts of me that were forming and to be embraced not destroyed. The doodling was to remain and grow and so the wood remained unbroken. Have I successfully rationalized away the fact that I was not able to accomplish the task? Perhaps. But I have a clear understanding of how I grow. It is through experience, not indoctrination. I teach myself, you cannot force me to learn. In creating my own reality, my board was not to be broken. What had I written on my board?
The words that had come to me during the exercise were ones that were in the script of my new audio visual production “Antarctica – A Soul Journey – awakening.” In it I am likening the dissolving of an iceberg to my own transformation at death. I use the words “I will change my physical form and will dissolve into the whole. The I of my ego will cease to be but the me of eternity will dance in the water or flow as vapor or be reflected light that displays pastel hues”
On my board I had written the words “the I of my ego” and the “me of eternity.” I was coming to terms with the whole me. The part seen in life, the part experienced after life. There was to be no separation, no breaking apart of those two aspects of me for now. My awareness is of their coming together as one. I will not resist. That is my reality.
"That which you think of, but thereafter never speak of, creates at one level. That which you think of and speak of creates at another level. That which you think, speak, and do becomes made manifest in your reality."
Conversations With God, Book 1
Neale Donald Walsch
Page 91
After dinner on that last evening I knew it was the right time to break my arrow. Of the four from the retreat still at Quantum Leaps Lodge, three had chosen not to break the arrows on the Monday evening. We decided to do so together. Each asked a different person to palm the feathered end of the arrow. We clapped, echoing through the trees, the rhythm awaking the soul. Eight of us bore witness and participated - the four from the retreat, Annette and Brian our hosts and Carla, the Sharman with her partner David. The energy grew. Donna went first and soon she was leaning into the arrow and it first bowed and then broke into 4 pieces.
I went next. I was possessed by both calm and excitement. It all made sense. The arrow would release the energy of the throat Chakra – the energy of communication. Suddenly I was aware of Sue and her tracheotomy. How for the last 10 months of her life she had breathed through a tube in her windpipe exposed at the lower part of her neck. Breaking the arrow seemed somehow something I was doing for both of us. There were tears in my eyes. I knew she was close. I placed the point of my arrow against the lower part of my neck, just above the breast bone. Annette cupped the feathered end in her palm. I took three deep centering breaths. I leaned into the arrow, it bent, it broke, the three pieces flying into the air. It all took less than 15 seconds. The communal hugs afterwards took a lot longer.
The
colour blue is associated with the throat Chakra. When it is in balance
I am able to express my truth honestly. I am able to live up to Miguel
Ruiz’s first of The Four Agreements – “to be impeccable with my word.”
Through the vibration of sound I am connected to the universe and will
transmit and receive truth. I am able to be creative, expressive and be
at the height of my mental awareness. The breaking of the arrow
symbolized the breakthrough to my next level of awareness.
The day after the retreat ended it was the summer solstice. I was awakened at dawn by the sound of a drum beating a rhythmical, monotonous invitation. The drummer was Carla, a Shaman from Nova Scotia who had arrived to conduct a weekend workshop to restore the medicine wheel at Quantum Leaps Lodge. I longed to stay and take part, but I had weekend commitments in Toronto. I spent my morning filming wildflowers. This was when I felt comfortable to ponder the events of the board breaking (or not) ritual.
After being unable to break my board on the Monday evening on the banks of the Blaeberry River, I re-assessed the apparent failure. The events are described in the blog entry “4. Facing fear with board breaking and fire walking.” I knew I was capable of accomplishing the task as I had done so several years before. I re-lived Monday’s experience. I had imagined my hand slicing through the wood and coming to rest below the shattering board. Yet each time I put it in action I experienced something - can I call it resistance? I certainly was more aware of it by the third attempt. That and the bruising!! Was the resistance coming from me, or from outside of me? Was it coming from the conscious me or the unconscious me? All I know for sure is that I could not break the board.
Symbolically what might this mean? The splitting of the wood was to break free of what was written on the board and then we were to throw the broken pieces into the fire. But my doodling on the board, created in the Rumi Room, represented parts of me that were forming and to be embraced not destroyed. The doodling was to remain and grow and so the wood remained unbroken. Have I successfully rationalized away the fact that I was not able to accomplish the task? Perhaps. But I have a clear understanding of how I grow. It is through experience, not indoctrination. I teach myself, you cannot force me to learn. In creating my own reality, my board was not to be broken. What had I written on my board?
The words that had come to me during the exercise were ones that were in the script of my new audio visual production “Antarctica – A Soul Journey – awakening.” In it I am likening the dissolving of an iceberg to my own transformation at death. I use the words “I will change my physical form and will dissolve into the whole. The I of my ego will cease to be but the me of eternity will dance in the water or flow as vapor or be reflected light that displays pastel hues”
On my board I had written the words “the I of my ego” and the “me of eternity.” I was coming to terms with the whole me. The part seen in life, the part experienced after life. There was to be no separation, no breaking apart of those two aspects of me for now. My awareness is of their coming together as one. I will not resist. That is my reality.
"That which you think of, but thereafter never speak of, creates at one level. That which you think of and speak of creates at another level. That which you think, speak, and do becomes made manifest in your reality."
Conversations With God, Book 1
Neale Donald Walsch
Page 91
After dinner on that last evening I knew it was the right time to break my arrow. Of the four from the retreat still at Quantum Leaps Lodge, three had chosen not to break the arrows on the Monday evening. We decided to do so together. Each asked a different person to palm the feathered end of the arrow. We clapped, echoing through the trees, the rhythm awaking the soul. Eight of us bore witness and participated - the four from the retreat, Annette and Brian our hosts and Carla, the Sharman with her partner David. The energy grew. Donna went first and soon she was leaning into the arrow and it first bowed and then broke into 4 pieces.
I went next. I was possessed by both calm and excitement. It all made sense. The arrow would release the energy of the throat Chakra – the energy of communication. Suddenly I was aware of Sue and her tracheotomy. How for the last 10 months of her life she had breathed through a tube in her windpipe exposed at the lower part of her neck. Breaking the arrow seemed somehow something I was doing for both of us. There were tears in my eyes. I knew she was close. I placed the point of my arrow against the lower part of my neck, just above the breast bone. Annette cupped the feathered end in her palm. I took three deep centering breaths. I leaned into the arrow, it bent, it broke, the three pieces flying into the air. It all took less than 15 seconds. The communal hugs afterwards took a lot longer.
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